Did you ever try to imagine who you were going to marry? Did you ever pray he would meet specific qualifications?
Maybe he would have dark hair and brown eyes, or maybe blond hair and blue eyes. Maybe he would be handsome and wealthy, or charming and winsome.
When Mr. Right came along, did you find that he embodied those characteristics you envisioned?
Or maybe you convinced yourself that he was Mr. Right because he met your desires?
Have you been disappointed that Mr. Right wasn’t who you thought he was?
That was the way it was for Israel. They were looking for a reigning, conquering Messiah, but because he came as a vulnerable baby, standing in opposition to the religious leaders of His day, who finally ended up dying a cruel death at the hands of the Romans, many of the Jews have not yet realized that Jesus Christ was their Messiah.
Like Israel, I have experienced answers to my prayers that didn’t look like answers at all. Sometimes they came looking like disappointments, or painful losses. Perhaps there are answers to my prayers that I still haven’t recognized because they came disguised as something different.
I can’t say that I thought Mr. Right was God’s choice for me because of his physical looks, but I can say that I believed he was who God was leading me to marry, and I couldn’t believe that he also had all the physical characteristics I’d dreamed of!
It took only days for me to realize that my Mr. Right wasn’t who I thought he was, but it took years for me to recognize the harm he had inflicted on the children and me. Because I was so sure God had led me to this marriage, I focused solely on making it thrive, pouring myself into it completely.
I was selfless, exhausting every ounce of energy to support my husband, often crying out to God for strength, wisdom, and love to overcome the chaos that surrounded me.
Inwardly, I was crying out for relief from the constant chaos; from the anger and false accusations. I was crying out to be heard, to be loved, to be cared for. I was crying out for God to turn my marriage around from the nightmare it had become, to the story of redemption and healing that I believed God wanted.
Outwardly, I was doing and saying all the right things to submit to my husband, to support and encourage him, and asking God for the strength and wisdom to be the wife he needed. But I was weary, exhausted, and disheartened.
At one point, consumed by pain, I asked God to remove my husband if he wasn’t ever going to change, allowing us space to heal. Upon further consideration, however, I begged God to find another way, if at all possible, because I wanted the assurance that my husband was right with God before he died.
Have you ever felt that way?
The answer I was looking for knocked on my door looking like separation, and I slammed the door, determined I would never let the enemy destroy our marriage like that.
Sometime later, separation knocked on my door again, and this time, I didn’t have the chance to slam the door before it stuck its foot in. With great effort, I was able to wiggle that stubborn foot back out of the doorway, and close the door. I sank down exhausted by the door. My energy was gone, but I was relieved to still have a marriage. I would do my part to protect it.
But separation wouldn’t leave me alone. How could he when he was on assignment from God?
The next time he came, he brought tools, and removed the door from its hinges. There was no closing the door now. It took only a little persuasion to help me realize that the marriage was falling in, and it had nothing to do with the door being removed. It was because my husband was chipping the foundation away with his chisel and hammer day after day, until it was no longer a safe place. We needed to leave until the foundation could be repaired.
Reluctantly, I and my children moved out. I still believed that the Lord would miraculously restore my marriage and our home, and do a work in our hearts so complete that we could reconcile.
But over the next weeks and months, I learned a lot of information about the different kinds of abuse, and I was appalled to see that we had almost every type of abuse in our home. No wonder we had chaos! No wonder we were all falling apart. We were being systematically destroyed from the inside out!
The more I learned, the more disillusioned and angry I became. This was NOT the answer I’d been praying for. God had promised that He would work everything out for our good, but this didn’t look like good!
Years later, looking back on this time in our lives, when our world was turned upside-down, I realized that this was exactly the answer that needed to happen.
Separation was not an option in my mind. Never had been. Death was, whether by suicide or accident, but not separation. I had been taught so strongly that separation under any circumstance was wrong, and I still believed that at that point.
But God had mercy on us, and on my husband. He found a way to remove my husband without taking his life, as I had requested, giving him more opportunity to change. He chose to deliver us from our distress, and give us space to heal. That was exactly the right answer to my prayer, though it definitely came disguised as something different than I expected.
Through this unwelcome intervention, which I now know was God’s answer to my prayers, we began to confront our pain, dispel false teachings, and reshape our perceptions of reality. We began to learn to know God in a whole new way, as He comforted us in our losses, guided us step-by-step through all the uncertainties and unknowns, and provided for our every need.
I have since come to see that God’s answers to my prayers are rarely just what I expect, and they are always better than I could imagine.
How have you seen God answer in unexpected ways, and how have His ways proven to be better than you could imagine? Let me know in the comments: I hope to continue this discussion next week.
May 2, 2025