
I’m going to be very real with you: sometimes life is hard. I’m sure I’m not telling you anything new.
Sometimes life is more than I know how to handle. Have you experienced that, too?
A little over a week ago, I had one of those days. Everything I was hearing was bad news. Some of it was tragic, some of it was sad, none of it personally involved me, though some of it came pretty close to home. After so much bad news, it felt like anything more would have to involve me personally, and I didn’t feel strong enough to carry anything more. It was almost as if I felt that something more was about to happen, without really knowing anything.
“Lord,” I prayed, “please don’t let me hear any more bad news today. And protect all those near and dear to me from further mishap and harm. Please! I just don’t think I can take anymore bad news today.”
The rest of the day, I was absorbed in trying to comfort those who had been affected by the various events of the day, but I, myself, felt like I needed a hug. I couldn’t understand why. None of this was affecting me personally, so why was I so affected? Was it intuition? Premonition? Or maybe I was just tired of being strong for everyone around me. I may never know, but God didn’t ask why I needed a hug: He just sent me one via His Holy Spirit and a song, reminding me that if He is with me, I don’t need anything else but to hang on. The song was in Spanish, so I have roughly translated it here:
Prostrate in my room, Alone with You: Speaking to You through tears, I tell You, “I can’t today;
I’ll leave it all — I’ve suffered too much.”
You speak in my ear, and tell me, “Don’t fear, don’t fear, My Child. I’m testing you; please, hold on. Even though it hurts, hold on.”
I told You, “I can’t take it anymore. Help, please. Only You can lift me up.


You keep talking to me, and You tell me, “Don’t fear. It’s My will that this happens. All works for the best. Remain calm: please hold on. I test the best warriors in the worst battles. Don’t fear, My Warrior. Remember, I chose you from your mother’s womb For praise and preaching. People who judge you don’t know what the reality is. Just keep quiet, please – hold on. Lift your head high. You are not defeated. Brave is he who fights to the end.”
I said, “Thank You, Lord. I am strengthened only if You are with me.
Perhaps that song was meant more to prepare me for what I didn’t know was coming, but in the moment, the song was just the reminder I needed. My life had come up from the depths, and God had always been enough. I could cling to Him, and even through the worst of times, He would help me, He would lift me up, and He would restore me.
The next morning, I arrived at work, and my boss arrived with my paycheck soon after. She told me that she’d meant to bring my check the evening before, but she’d forgotten her checkbook at the house, so she hoped it didn’t inconvenience me too badly to get paid a day late.
I assured her it was just fine, and then she proceeded to tell me that I needed to start looking for another job. She said the man I care for is wanting to try living by himself. They’d tried to persuade him differently for the past three weeks, but he seemed to be set on living alone.
I maintained a calm exterior, but inside, my mind was hitting panic mode.
I was losing my job?
I asked her a few questions, but my mind was running in so many different directions at once, that I’m not even sure the questions made sense.
What job would I ever be able to find? This one had been perfect. Now, how was I to find another one that fit me so well?
I needed flexible hours. I needed to be able to take my children to work with me, after school or on days when school is out. What new job would give me that kind of freedom?
But as I carefully thought through things, I realized my needs may have changed slightly since God had provided this job. My children were all in school, where I’d had a preschooler before. My oldest at home was now 18, and might be available to help out some as needed – maybe…
Who would take my children to and from school, if I couldn’t do it? Who would watch the children after school if I couldn’t? Who would take them to the doctor or dentist as needed?
What would I do about finishing my book and keeping up with my blog?
Maybe I was at a place in life where I needed to start thinking about job security, about my future… Maybe God knew I needed something that would provide better for our growing needs… Was this His doing?

When my boss finally left, I sat down and had me a good cry. I felt too overwhelmed with life to put any energy into looking for a job that day. I just needed some time with God, and another God-hug.
I reminded myself that none of this had caught God by surprise.
And then I remembered something that reassured me that God was in the details.
Remember I had prayed that God wouldn’t allow me to hear any more bad news the day before? It suddenly dawned on me that my employer had been planning to bring the check over the day before, and if she had, she would have told me then that I needed to find a new job. With everything else, I would have been completely overwhelmed if that had happened.
Tears welled up in thanksgiving, as I realized that God had answered that prayer. He had caused her to forget her checkbook so I wouldn’t have opportunity to hear about it, when I was already having a bad day.
“So, God, if You are in the details, I don’t need to worry. You will provide the very best job for me, perhaps even a better one than I already have.”
And that night, God gave me another song: My Father’s Arms. It was especially real to me, because imagining I was in my Father’s arms had become my safe haven when recovering from past trauma and pain. And that night, it was the God-hug I was craving.
It’s where I will go
Since I find my hope only in You;
Since only You are the Healer of my wounds,
And in my adversity, I see Your faithfulness.
It’s where I will go
Since in the midst of my pain, You have embraced me,
Since my tears You have dried;
There’s no other place I want to be than in my Father’s arms.
In my Father’s arms, in my Father’s arms,
I don’t want to leave my Father’s arms.
In my Father’s arms, in my Father’s arms,
I don’t want to leave.
I don’t want to leave your arms, God,
Because only You have words (of truth) for me.
On the altar, I’ve learned to know You.
And on the altar, I stay.
On the altar, I’ve learned to know You,
And on the altar, I stay.
Nothing will move me,
Nothing will move me
For my favorite place
Is in the arms of my Father.
And I felt that truth all the way to the depths of my soul. Circumstances didn’t change. I still had to find a job. I still had lots of bills coming due, but I was safe in my Father’s arms, and that was comfort enough.
I wish I could say everything was smooth sailing from there. I wish I could report that the most amazing, perfect job opportunity just materialized before me, and I witnessed the most wonderful act of God in providing me the everything-I-needed job.
That may be my testimony someday, but not today.
Today, my testimony is that even as I apply daily for jobs, even as I watch the rejections pour back into my email, and my soul is tempted to worry, or become frustrated, God is still holding me in His arms.

Sunday was Father’s Day. Not sure why it hit me different this year, but I found myself crying silent tears, as I realized that while some don’t have their fathers to spend time with because of death or tragedy, I didn’t have my father because of emotional distance.
The pain of it all hit me afresh. My father was choosing this. I suppose he would say I was choosing this. Either way, it was painful.
Lurking in the back of my mind was the realization that I had already been looking for a job for over a week, with no prospects in sight, and that was only adding to the mental/emotional overwhelm.
I longed for a father or husband to lean on, and for a moment, I allowed myself to grieve their loss. But then I realized I had God. He is my Father, and I could lean on Him, with the certainty that He would help me somehow.
It was the closing prayer, and I was standing with my head bowed, silent tears falling to the carpet beneath me, voicing my pain to God and thanking Him that He would never abandon me, nor reject me. I was His daughter, and I could rest in Him.
I’m not sure what made me glance up, but as I did, I saw that quite a few women were surrounding me, to hug me and pray for me. A woman I don’t remember meeting before swallowed me in a giant hug, and just held me close. In that moment, I felt that God was giving me a hug with skin on – something I’d been begging Him for just a few short days before. I cried there in her arms, as I would have done in my Father’s arms, overcome with gratefulness and a feeling of being loved. God knew how to meet my soul’s needs.
But that wasn’t all.
A short time later, two different individuals pressed money into my hands, and an urgent bill was provided for. God knew how to meet my physical needs, too.
I hadn’t been asking anyone but Him for provision, and even though I didn’t know how He would do it, I was sure He would. He had provided in the past, so I was sure He would again, and I wasn’t disappointed.
“Lord,” I prayed, as I headed home, “I don’t want to become a burden to the people around me. I don’t want to have to rely on their generosity. In fact, if I could, I’d love to be able to be the giver for once. How long are You going to keep me waiting for a job?
“I’m concerned that, given the anti-discrimination policies employers must follow, along with my limited work experience and education, it might be difficult for employers to see that I’m a good fit for the jobs I apply for. How can I overcome this obstacle? Do I need to accept a lower-paying position for now, until an employer can recognize my true potential and see my worth?”
“Lord, I’m not doubting that You will provide the right job: I’m just wishing I could know when. This waiting is so hard.”


The next morning, I got up, and as was my new habit, I checked for any new job opportunities that might have popped up overnight.
One stood out. It seemed to be everything I was needing in a job, and at a skill-level I was confident I could meet. With a prayer, I applied.
But less than an hour later, I was notified that the employer had viewed the application and rejected it. No explanation. Nothing. Just flat out rejection. And that was the one job out of the many I’d applied for that I actually cared about.
As the rejections had been dropping back into my email this past week, I had done well accepting them as God’s will, and continuing to believe that I just hadn’t found the right job yet, but this one was different. I had hoped this would be that perfect job. That hope now lay in splinters at my fingertips.
It was tempting to get discouraged. To feel hopeless. To sit down and cry.
But I turned my soul’s eyes to Jesus, and I chose to rejoice.
“Lord, You know how I felt about that job, and yet You allowed them to reject me so quickly. There must have been something You knew about that job that I couldn’t see, so thank You for protecting me from a bad job. Thank You for looking out for me. I still choose to believe that You have the right job out there for me – I’m just praying You allow me to find it soon!”
“Ding!”
I quickly finished what I was doing, and hurried to check my email.
My heart nearly skipped a beat, as I read, “We have reviewed your application, and we like what we see… Please answer the following 10 questions, and return them to us by June 24th, so we can review them, and decide on what further steps to take.”
As I filled out the additional questions, I was made aware of what my job responsibilities in this position would entail, and I began to grow excited. It seemed to me that I was a fairly good fit for the position, and hope began to build.
But I had to squelch that hope just a bit.
“No,” I told myself, “my hope is not in a job, or a positive response. My hope is in God. He alone knows if this job is the right one for me, and just because they’re asking questions, doesn’t mean it’s a yes. It could still be a no.”
But I allowed just a little hope to sprout: questions were better than a flat rejection.
And it gave me hope that maybe the right employer would see through my lack of job skills and education.
So, yes, life is hard sometimes. Overwhelming. Scary, even. Stepping out as a single mom to find a career in a world where work experience and education are almost everything is intimidating. Realizing that providing for my family and our future rests squarely on my shoulders is a staggering responsibility. But the truth is that that responsibility isn’t mine. God has promised to look after us, and to provide for our needs, and He is a much more capable provider than I could ever be.
Tomorrow will be two weeks since I lost my job, but God’s timing will be perfect, I’m sure. Even if I don’t get this job, He will not fail me.
And He won’t fail you.
He tells us to not be afraid, nor to be dismayed. He is not surprised by the twists and turns our lives take, and is certainly never defeated by them!

We can take each hard thing to Him, with all of our wild and unpredictable emotions, and His hands are big enough to carry them all, and to carry us, too! He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and knows where all the precious metals and gemstones of this world are hidden. He doesn’t lack for resources. He only lacks for us to depend on His provision. To bring our hard to Him, and let Him show Himself strong on our behalf, because…
He cannot fail – That’s not Who He is.
(Quick Note–
Just a brief update for those of you who don’t do day-to-day life with me: God has recently been opening the doors for me to be involved more in the Spanish-speaking community around me. Not sure yet what all His plans are in this, but I’m sitting back, and enjoying the suspense. It’s a twist in my story that I didn’t see coming, but in the meantime, I’m loving my interactions with these dear people. It started with an opportunity, 10 months ago, to teach ELL at a local church, and has grown to include a couple of Spanish-speakers who just moved into my neighborhood, and a Spanish-speaking church that meets in our same church building after our service ends. Most recently, it has resulted in a second ELL class closer to home. I absolutely love teaching English to non-English speakers, and the worship at the Spanish church is amazing! But the people! They are such a precious people. I fell in love with them when I lived in Mexico back in my early 20s, but I have been reminded afresh what a blessing they are. Now that I’m looking for a job, and have had an opportunity to refresh and improve my Spanish, I’m beginning to wonder if God wasn’t preparing me for a job that could utilize my Spanish. Or maybe it’s for an entirely different reason. Whatever it is, I am watching eagerly as it all unfolds, wondering if my introduction to Spanish and the Latin-American culture were all a part of His greater plan for my life, even way back then!)